Updated: Nov 6, 2020
Mental health issues have tripled in 2020, from years past. So it's clear there is a need to help people manage their emotions. As a transformational health coaches, it is critical that we help our clients improve their quality of life as well as their life span. That said I've been able to help those improve their physical health and even their mindset but so many clients struggle developing emotional reliance. Being physically unhealthy extends way beyond the pounds,outwardly issues. It often stems from something much deeper. I do not strive to help people just lose weight. I strive to help them identify the roots that feed their soul, because that is where they find “strength” and “breakthrough.” That's how you find light on your darkest days and hope when you are ready to given up, and committed to pushing through when times are tough. So I wanted to share here, some of the secret sauce that leads to this breakthrough. The first eye opening find, is the belief that "you are enough" and you need to let go of trying to be "PERFECT."
I was with my daughter and we were talking about the project she was working on and I heard her say, “You know, Mom?” I paused and realized "I didn’t know". In fact, I had no idea what she’d been talking about. We’d been talking for awhile, and I couldn’t remember a single detail about what she was saying. I remember looking down a those deep blue eyes and realized this was a true mom fail. But the reality was I was just tired, I didn’t have the energy to rise up beyond anything other than making it through the day. I realized I wasn't present with my family. I realize I had became impatient, grumpy, and just not the mom or wife I wanted to be.
Empty vs. Full
EMPTY - So perhaps others can relate to feeling like you are working in overdrive and operating on empty. These were the days I was struggling to be perfect and to barely making it. Not much was slipping through the cracks during that point in my life. I was managing to get my work done (but often times late at night), get the kids to their extra curricular activities, put decently nutritious meals on the table, volunteering to do my part in the community, keep my home humming, and remember all the little details that weigh us down mentally, like writing the notes for the kids lunch box, ordering flower for our daughters achievement and the supplies for the birthday, remembering to schedule the doctor appointments. I was one step ahead, but it took everything I had, and then even more than what I had, which always left me drained. I know how it is to give it your all and still feel like you are spinning your wheels.
Fullness - At other times, I’ve intentionally let some things fall through the cracks. I’ve conscientiously let some of the house course go, let the our daughter buy lunch at school to free up my mornings, and I’ve forgotten an after school practice here and there… or even purposefully skipped some! I’ve been slower to volunteer and quicker to respect my own limits, finding the power to say "no" more. When I stopped trying to do it all I was able to give the best parts of myself to things that matter most. And I’ve forgotten to get the groceries for longer than I maybe should. But did our family’s quality of life really suffer with those lost little details? When the fridge was emptier than normal or when a the task the day of instead of a week before - who really cared? I’d argue that our quality of life actually suffered more when I was giving everything to juggling all the balls in the air. My kids barely notice when the floor wasn't vacuumed. On the other hand, they always notice when I’m perpetually grumpy, or always yelling and overreacting with them. My kids can usually take a missed birthday party in stride, but they cannot take in stride a mother who is more connected to her job, her phone and her to-do list than she is to them. My kids will survive on quick easy meals. But they won’t thrive when I’m too distracted to listen to them, too tired to really see them and their struggles. My marriage won't thrive when we don't have the effort to put into it nor the headspace to listen and want to build the relationship.
Message - The greatest gift you can give your kids and spouse is a centered, rested, happy mom. That starts with taking care of YOU.
The Secret Sauce really comes down to habits. Here are some healthy habits I've been practicing over the last couple of years have helped me feel stronger in my body, my mindset, and my emotional resilience:
Eat breakfast - kick start metabolism .
Eat small meals frequently throughout the day.
Eat a healthy portion of protein and vegetables. Check out our healthy recipes
Shop in the outer aisles at the grocery store, eat minimally processed foods
Drink 64-80 ounces of water daily.
Community/Culture - Stay in touch with family & friends, reach out, make new friends.
Hang around with like minded people!!
Avoid negativity as much as possible; pay attention to how things, people, places affect you. Re-frame negative self talk. Make positive affirmations. Develop a healthy mindset.
Move your body.
Be mindful, open, and curious: Read inspirational and motivational books or watch videos or listen to audio books.
Self Awareness: Listen to yourself -Take time out to give your body what it needs
Energy Management: when needed, rest and get enough sleep. Getting enough rest -is one of the biggest things I’ve found that impacts my mood, my health, and my family’s daily operations. (There’s a reason withholding sleep is literally a torture tactic!)
Prioritize what's important to you, don't let your schedule become the priority
Evening routine that sets up the next day to be brighter than today.
Practicing these habits has helped me lose over 60 pounds and keep it off for over 3 years, feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally, and get my health in check. Having lost two parents to poor health, it's important for me to be around for my adult children, and future grandchildren!! So, taking care of me is #1 priority now. It is so important for us to take care of ourselves too, you can't be last on your list. I hope you are taking care of YOU too.
Self-care is not selfish, it's the greatest gift you can give your kids. They want and need a mom who is happy. A mom who understands her value. A mom who loves herself and loves her life even when it's not perfect. I hear the ugly thoughts you sometimes say about yourself, I hear them because I once had them too. I had been putting my life in survival mode, then autopilot, somehow the fire inside me, that driving force had died. So you have to re-frame how you speak, let go of the negativity and anything that's not serving you and focus on positive. This is so important for kids to see and learn as you model. Taking care of yourself isn’t just a nice idea for someday when you have time; I’d go as far to say that it’s your responsibility. When you take care of yourself first and foremost, you will be able to give your best to your family, your community and yourself. Start believing that you belong on the top of your own to-do list. Re-prioritize activities you love. So many mom's let their personal interests slip away as they transitioned into motherhood. I get it, because motherhood is so consuming. But those hobbies that you once loved, can bring you so much JOY even now, and your family needs to see you experiencing that kind of joy. They need to see you discovering new passions in the midst of raising children who are developing their own. I mean you want your kids to find happiness and joy in their life right. So your kids need to see you experience this too. Although the list goes on, this gives you a taste of why this is such a powerful thing and why we are so passionate about LIBERATING PARENTS FOR LOVE, thus creating a lasting impact on the future generation of leader.
I want you to know, I understand how overwhelming it can be, to even try to make a change when you barely have enough energy to make through the day. I want you to know that THIS TOO SHALL PASS. I’m here as proof that good things happen to those don't give up, that realize they are enough, and they are worth making themselves a priority. You are going to breakthrough. You are meant for so much more. PLEASE, keep going, you are not alone. The light is there. The answer is there. You have everything you need within you, you just need to discover it. Start where you are, use what you have, and take action to make it happen, because the timing will never be perfect. The fact is we all have what it takes, to take a step in the right direction and then build from there. But the question is will you CHOOSE to do so… even if your not ready?!!?
Hope this helps someone today, not hold themselves back, not get stuck in victimhood of trauma, not be limited by a prognosis, diagnosis, or the opinion of others.
We all have the power to overcome adversity, so no matter what you are going through, know you are worth it and you matter! Here at Stretch Beyond Impossible, we believe in equipping people with the structure and tools necessary to live a life of balance and fulfillment. Our mission is to empower others to overcome everyday obstacles, experience everyday wins, realizing that you have everything you need within, to create the life you desire!!
Often times trouble sleeping goes hand and hand with other aspects of your life. Take a FREE Well-Being Assessment to determine what areas to focus on first. None of us are perfect, we start where you currently are, let's setup a meeting to customize a plan to suit your needs, and create an action plan that takes you from where you are right NOW to where you WANT to be!!!